I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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