Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
