A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
