I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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