mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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