Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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