the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
