Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
