Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
