I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
