I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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