Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
