New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
