she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Randomize
