its not stalking. its research.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
