quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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