i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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