Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
