I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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