i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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