He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She told me I should be a condom model.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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