You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
