I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
