I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
