I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
