Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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