i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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