the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My ass is underappreciated
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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