I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
