Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
