That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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