Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
