Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And then he peed in my hair
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