I should be sponsored by Trojan
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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