i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
