The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
