So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
