i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
