Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
