btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
