oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They took my balls.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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