PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
