You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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