Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
