This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
