is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
