therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
