The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need to calm my uterus...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
