Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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