Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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