with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
