I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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