Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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