Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
