You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
