omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
