Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
babies were throwing up all over the place
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
