he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
