I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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