dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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