please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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