Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
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Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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