Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize