We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
