New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
