u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
being pregnant is like rehab
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
