he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
