I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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