They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
