i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
