Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
