Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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