I'm going to jail i love you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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