Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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