hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
