Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
