hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
