I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
