Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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