the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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