i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
