I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
