Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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