I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
