ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
