We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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