I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
