Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
