I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize